The Conjured Refreshment: Of Blood Elves and Special Favors

Bert Sanderson, famously known among Blood Elf females across Azeroth as “PerBert”, is finally being brought to justice as hundreds of Blood Elf females come forward with accusations of molestation, black mail and manipulation to perform illicit acts in game.  Bert was brought into custody this morning, orange fingers and a Vault soda in his back pocket.  Authorities say the 23 year old came quietly, then agreed to come with them as they peeled him from his computer chair.

Warcraft Blood Elf Cheerleaders

Photos of Blood Elf avatars littered his computer desk and have been brought in as evidence.  One unnamed, blue haired Blood Elf vixen had this to say about the scene of the crime:

“Disgusting.  I bet most of the photos are of me.  I can’t even tell you how many lewd things I’ve done.  Stripping, countless BJ’s in dark corners of Murder Row, dancing on mailboxes.  Wait, we’re still talking about me right?”

It seems unanimous that these women are clearly outraged by the blatant exploitation of their character customizations.  Not only have the character customizations caused a ruckus with the Blood Elf female population, but reports of name abuse abounds as well.  Accusations of agenda pushing names have caused many of the Blood Elf females coming forward to keep their helm animations on, so as to hide their faces in shame, something very uncommon among the group.

Names like “SkeetTeets”, “Manaspooge”, “Mamanatrix” and “Heidi” are among a few of the mildly offensive names.  The large population of named avatars on Bert’s computer can only conclude that the names just get worse and worse.  Authorities even found one poor Blood Elf woman curled up under a bridge in Eversong Woods, Bloodthistle tracks up both arms, mumbling about Tier 10 armor being a ghost of BC’s past coming to haunt her.  Her unfortunate name;  “Vajaina Proudwhore”

When asked how he could be such a monster, Mr. Sanderson’s only reply was a large belch which reeked of nacho flavored taco chips, and scratched his balls.  His lawyer quickly stepped in with the classic, “no more questions at this time.”  His trial is being held Tuesday morning during server maintenance downtime.

On a separate but related note, Blood Elf females have also filed a class action lawsuit against Blood Elf males for being prettier.  When a random Blood Elf male avatar was asked his opinion of the lawsuit, he had this to say: “I am pretty, aren’t I?”  No date has yet been set for now dubbed, “ass action lawsuit.”

Leech
(Jeffrey Klein) can be heard each week on the This is Outcasted podcast blog.thisisoutcasted.com